Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Sounds

These sounds tell a story of love
Our sounds
Now separated by Thirteen-Hundred miles
Silence echoing the ache in my heart
Emptiness that was once filled by you and your sounds.
I miss 
the sound
of the way you breathe in and out as you sleep
Rhythmic and slow.  
In-one-two-three-Out-three-two-one
I miss
the sound
that you make when I kiss you with all my love
A deep groan
From some secret place of desire.
I miss
the sound
of your smirk
Yes it has a sound.
It's barely audible, but it's kinda a hmph.
I miss 
the sound 
Of your voice.  
Rich with bass, and it deepens as you get more tired.
It is at it's lowest right before you fall asleep on me.
I miss
the sound
of you being in the same room as me.
Your clothing brushing against itself
or how your feet scuff against carpet.
Or how you iron everything the same way.
I miss
the sound
of our kisses
Especially when you suck on my lower lip
It separates from yours with a *POP*
It made me smirk every time.
I miss
the sound
of the way you laugh.
It's a butchy giggle.
Unless I do something particularly stupid, then it's deeper and slower.
Or when you are being sarcastic
HA......HA......HA......... 
I miss
the sound
of being in the shower with you.
The way the water sounds as it hits your skin,
A soft pitter patter
Or the way it sounds as you vigorously rubs her hands through your hair
Getting ever last bit of soap out.
Or how the sponge sounds as you scrub you skin.
I miss
the sound
of when you look at me.
Deep breaths
Occasionally clearing your throat
or my favorite, the "MmmmmmHmmmmmmm!"
I miss hearing all the sounds I hear when I am around you.
These sounds are love
Our love.
I miss the sounds.

Monday, January 31, 2011

I hate you.

I hate you because you see right through me.
So open and so bare I cannot hide a thing
You know what is hidden behind these blue eyes
Xray vision piercing through layers and layers of
Barbwire and concrete emotional fences
Protecting my fragile heart.
I hate you because you see right through me.
I wish we could talk, but we can't
You worry, and I know it.
You try to not feel bad, but you do.
You see how broken I can really get.
I hate you for that.
I hate you because I
Can't be all broken inside
I hate you because I
Can't pretend, because you see though every act
I hate you because I
don't want to let anyone close
Yet you are there.
Damn you.
Private inner thoughts and feelings are no longer mine
You know truths that I would rather hide
I say nothing and you set off a nuclear bomb that wipes away
EVERY last protect layer I have been able to build.
Why must you look at me like that?
What must you see all the shit I don't want you to see?
Why can't you just leave me be!
Because you know.
I don't really hate you.
I feel naked and scared
A small child hiding behind grown up walls of resentment, guilt, and fear.
Do you see?
I mean do you really see me.
How can you stand to still be around?

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Lessons I should know

Live like you don't have a tomorrow
Dance like your life has no sorrow
Scream like you can never be silent
Know Peace like their was no violence
Cry with your whole heart and soul
Smile like the world hasn't taken it's toll
Love like you have never been broken
Laugh like evil words weren't spoken
Dream like the world is yours
Talk like no one ignores
Be you, because that is the only thing you can do!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Beauty

Beauty comes in many shades
Though tragedy seems to fade
These colors
And as I sit trying to find my beauty within
I struggle to fit in
Feeling like a freak
Self doubt can be covered by a mask
Such a daunting task
I am exhausted
I let you see what I choose to show
Though know one can possibly know
What is going on behind these blue eyes
Fake it till you make it is a common phrase
But concern it does raise
in me
How do I justify those who commit actions that break
And Forsake
Who I am inside.
How do I defend the person I am today
And let the past wash away
When the past is thrown in my face?
I just try and navigate each day with grace
Though at times I fall on my face
But I at least know I have beauty
Despite scars on the inside and out
Despite all the times that I experience doubt
In me
I know I am beautiful
I know I am worth it
I know I am strong
I know that one day, I will fully believe
That I am beautiful.



Thursday, January 27, 2011

Insomina

Oh insomnia
A close personal friend these nights
As I fight
For sleep that is my right.
My brain just won't go to sleep
Like the 7 times my lap top has since I started writing this.
Or the 3 times the DVD player has gone through the movie
Or the 9 times my heater has turned off.
Why can't you just be like them?
Oh Insomnia, we court and quarrel like lovers.
And can't you just take the hint?
No no, you must visit me.
And only when it is convenient for you.
Well I have words for you.
Actually only two.
They are: Screw You!